Friday, November 16, 2018

She Said "Don't You Want Someone To Be There For You"?

The trouble is, she didn't say where the "there" is? My background investigation of her revealed a series of marriages that ended in unusual and mysterious ways or in divorce courts. The "there" could be in front of a judge in a Family Law Court or at the edge of a grave in the "Celestial Memorial Gardens".  Or I might just disappear over the side of a cruise ship!

In reality, after 40 years of marriage and having survived to be independent, I don't want in-laws again. I don't want  cosmetic bottles, brushes and kotex all over the bathrooms. I don't want underwear drying on every towel rack. I don't want to have to tip toe around saying "yes dear" trying to keep the lid on.

I don't want pictures of her folks, (dead for decades) over my fireplace.  I don't want her changing all the furniture and having interior decorators working their way through the house time and again costing tens of thousands of my retirement dollars. And I want to play the music I want any time I want.

 I don't want her fresh out of rehab sister with two kids, 7 and 9, moving in and running rampant through the house destroying the peace and quiet. And no, I don't want her schizophrenic brother, just our of a mental institution, living with us either! And I know all about "oh, but they have no place else to go!" (Please, you're breaking my heart!)

I want the entire house my "man cave", no longer just a tolerated corner of the downstairs unfinished basement.   I want granite tops, stainless steel appliances, wet bars and wine storage. I want my Marine Corps memorabilia up everywhere!   Recruiting posters, calendars, paintings of Chesty Puller, fighter aircraft, and maps of combat zones prominent. I want massive flat screens and high speed internet and luxuriant leather arm chairs that the house cleaners lexol weekly!

I want lamps that allow me to read in bed and backstops that prop me up when I do so. I want to have silk plants that look great and need no care. If I go to Israel I can just GO! No arranging for the cat and watering the plants!  I want a fish tank loop video on a flat screen where the fish never die and the tank never needs cleaning.  I'll have several desks, each equipped for a specific task: politics for one, and investments for another to start with.

So, madame, no thank you. You can take your estrogen and your outstanding credit card bills  equivalent to a year's salary somewhere else.



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