The House is burning, but the Arson in Chief has told the Fire Department to stand down. In fact, he's flying in containers of gasoline and staging them by the hundreds of thousands throughout the land, such that when the fire really gets going, the conflagration will be overwhelming and complete!
Currently, the Arson in Chief is trying to outlaw fire fighting equipment. "Everywhere there's been a fire, there has been fire fighting equipment. Obviously, we need to rethink our strategy! We need to reach out to fires with compassion and love. Firefighting equipment is what causes fires and we need to stop provoking the fires!" Another candidate for Arson in Chief has said "we need to fight fires with our values". So emotionally satisfying!
The Public Relations Spokesperson for the Arson in Chief continually assures us: "If we'd just turn in our fire fighting equipment the fires would absolutely stop! And anyone who doubts this is a bigoted hater and pyro-phobe". After all, the cans of gasoline being brought in are NOT cans of gasoline! They are really baby trees meant to make the forests in America grow stronger and greener! (And though the cans are red, they slosh and smell like gasoline, if you say so you'll be arrested for hate speech!)
So come on, America! Embrace the cans of gasoline! Forget about the fires burning all over the nation! Turn in your firehoses, link arms and sing "Kum bah yah"!
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