Monday, February 17, 2014

British Suicide Bombers Go On Strike

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the after-life. Emergency
talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from
72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the after-life.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask
for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive
Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the
realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western
depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the after-life. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting
benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to
blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the
entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership
as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide
bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan
Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered
their benefit packages.


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