The Administration announced today a new policy on dealing with wildfires. A spokesperson said today “In spite of the billions spent by the Forest Service we continue to battle blazes in ever increasing number. Obviously, our present system is not working.”
The spokesperson went on to lay out the new policy: “ We have to face the possibility that our policy of maintaining firefighting capability in our forest lands is actually offensive to fires, and provoking them! That our trying to fight fires is actually what’s causing them!”
“We need a new approach” said the spokesperson. “We need more outreach and dialogue with the fires, more mutual understanding. As a goodwill gesture, we are pleased to announce we are withdrawing all Forest Service fire fighting capability from the Western States. We are confident that this will be appreciated by the fires, and they will respond in kind. They will realize they no longer have to burn out of control and cause such damage.”
This new policy was warmly received by the media. “I’m so relieved that we’re finally dealing with the issue of wildfires in a proper manner” said one CNN Reporter. “Now I can buy a cabin in the woods with confidence”.